WIRED AND WEIRD

Hans Ebert
May 6
3 min read

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HAVEN’T THEIR RACES ALREADY BEEN RUN?

The idea of a series of horse races around the world featuring “elite” jockeys was someone’s “brainchild”?

Really?

Here was something of a half baked idea floated by some of us over a decade ago by a couple of dodgy Eastern European businessmen based in Dubai.

They very probably even knew good old Bill Vlahos.

Remember Bill?

This illegitimate “brainchild” was, and still is, no different to any International Jockeys Challenge- but without the star power of those in sports like football, basketball, golf, cricket, tiddlywinks etc.

Those behind the idea back then were even talking about creating something along the lines of a (yawn) Planet Hollywood Of Horse Racing plus “elite races” featuring a “stellar lineup” of the world’s most marquee value names “augmented” by celebrities like Snoop Dogg, (yawn) Katy Perry, Jared Leto, and a few B listers.

Thoughts?

Nothing that’s caught anyone outside of the inner circle of horse racing on the hop, but does show how tepid and creaky horse racing is looking.

From the riders mentioned in various online horse racing forums, it reads like a desperate last bite of the cherry for those big boys of race riding, especially those who are in the twilight of their careers and should be paid NOT to attempt a flying dismount.

It’s all reading like a very sad reunion tour by the Village People with cameos by Boney M, Journey and some Credence Clearwater Revival tribute band.

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The brainchild of Gustav Flèche, and called simply The Wired And The Weird, this will apparently be four hours of fast-moving dwarf throwing fun including the buying and selling of slots.

There are plans to include celebrity short people, specially designed and extremely small and exclusive merch plus the screening of adult short films in between all the frivolousness.

“We want this to be fun day out for the entire family though we will have a special adult section for the naughty and kinky people,” explained Mr Flèche.

Yes, Sinderella and Snowflakes and Snow White will be there with their very own seven dwarfs.

There are also whispers of an appearance by Randy Newman singing his hit “Short People” for two straight hours.

Some involved with the event say that there are plans for slot holders and their various teams to have the opportunity to throw L’il Pete V’Landys against a brick wall.

Said The Man Known As EB, “We believe this new interactive sport will be extremely popular for those looking for new and quick ways to invest their money, and as a racing club known for being a game changer, this is something that we believe has rather beautiful legs”.

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JACKO FROM HONG KONG RIDES INTO PERTH

Though trying to keep away from stuff about the horsey world which these days appears to be on its last legs in its present incarnation, we’re extremely happy to hear that Hong Kong born apprentice Jackson Kwong, below, has landed in Perth for the next two years. Looks like he’s brought his own kitchen and woks with him.

In Perth, as opposed to spending several years in Adelaide like almost every apprentice from Hong Kong before him, Jacko will be indentured for two years to one of our favourite people- trainer and Ricky Martin lookalike Simon Miller- before returning to Hong Kong a better rider- and dancer.

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He was absolutely besieged for autographs by those who wouldn’t know Kris Lees from Leapy Lee- he being horse racing personality Andrew Le Jeune.

For reasons that still escape us, when in Hong Kong recently and striding purposefully through Shatin racecourse, ALJ was mistaken for actor Sacha Barron Cohen by thousands of racegoers and tourists.

Others thought he was Borat, Ali G, and Bruno, all characters created by the fertile mind of Senor Cohen.

What’s next?

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Maybe Kai Ying Rising rose to the occasion on Champions Day at Shatin last weekend, but still on the lips and tastebuds of many is the Baked Crabmeat with the Cheese topping served at One Harbour Road, the fabulous Chinese restaurant at the Grand Hyatt Hong Kong.

Still with Champions Day and the Grand Hyatt, we couldn’t help watching all the rather loud yet beautiful celebrations for the abject failures of Mr Brightside and Royal Patronage with one punter coming so close to making a huge collect.

The lady had quite a bit on Royal Patronage to come last. The galloper came second last.