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Looking into the future of horse racing...



RACING CLUB LEADERS FINALLY ADMIT TO BEING CLUELESS!

Racing clubs, racing executives and the racing media finally admit that they are completely clueless about, and don’t give a damn about attracting those “younger people” to horse racing. In the time left on the planet, there’s the realisation that focus should be on feeding the old and the listless with the same-same tap dancing, Neil Diamond songs and global gumbo.


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GARBLED ANTI GAMBLING MESSAGES FALL ON DEAF EARS!!!

Horrified with asinine and confusing messages like “What are you gambling with?”, advertising agencies around the world run a campaign vilifying those geniuses in Australia who produced a spate of garbled anti gambling messages.

Under the Don Draper law, they are accused of bringing good, effective advertising into disrepute and creating nonsensical advertising.


............ THE EVIL EMPIRE SHOWS IT HAS A SENSE OF HUMOUR AFTER ALL!!!

The Hong Kong Jockey Club aka the “evil empire” to many, shows that it has a sense of humour and is not some bloated dinosaur comprising overpaid bubble heads that’s about to be made extinct.


This follows the recent Book Throwing Incident (BCI) that involved Trainer Michael Chang playfully (?) throwing his race book at the back of fellow Trainer Caspar Fownes.


This results in a meaningless press release from the Club’s fun police assuring everyone that high testosterone man love between the two trainers is alive and well. There’s also a kinda veiled warning aimed at Michael Chang who’s fighting to rack up more winners and retain his trainers license.


Inspired by the BTI, the Club introduces special Book Throwing competitions between Trainers not unlike the dwarf throwing competitions of yore.

This is apparently part of the old boys club’s charm offensive to win back the “lurve” of its main audience these days- racing uncles and aunties and those who don’t mind listening to absolutely appalling ‘live’ music at the Beer Garden that has dogs cowering and howling in fear.

............ CHINESE PORN STAR ATTENDS RACES IN HONG KONG AND DEMANDS TO BE EASILY LED!!!

Popular and titillating Adult Hong Kong film Actress (?) Erena So sashays into Happy Valley racecourse during a Wednesday night race meeting wearing only a wired microphone and announces in a rather husky voice that she wants to be taken to “the leader”.

All hell breaks loose with chants of “EB!” “EB!” from the racing uncles before it’s learned that she’s actually looking for jockey Zac Purton.


After the races, Zac is quoted as saying, “I’m bringing sexy back to the races”.

............ RACING CLUBS STUMBLE ON NEW BUSINESS STREAM!!!

By staying off Twitter for one day, horse racing twitterers bring the online platform to its knees and where its owners pay racing clubs to ensure that this absence will never happens again. There’s a sudden and huge drop on Twitter on those needing anger management and every other type of therapy- like whining about the same old thing for decades in what could be termed “reverse bullying”. World leaders request a meeting with the heads of racing clubs who are hailed as miracle workers and heroes.

Miracle worker Racing club leaders have no idea what any of this means and return to creating slots and sloths races and talking up prize money and turnover numbers.

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Relatively new head of Perth racing, James Oldring, below, takes over the Asian Racing Federation (ARF) and its gabfest known as the Asian Racing Conference (ARC).



Uncommon James immediately changes these names to Quokka People and Quokka Talks.


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CHILD’S PLAY FOR NIC!



Hong Kong Jockey Club presenter Nicholas Child starts his own YouTube channel to help elevate Hong Kong’s drastic drop in standards of English.


Known for his entertaining repartee with good sport and leading trainer Frankie Lor, Nic introduces local audiences to idioms like “Keen as mustard”, “Test the water” and words like “impetus”, “hence”- not as some think, “hens”, albeit and not “Albert” etc.


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AND- POOF- THE MAGIC MAN IS BACK!!!




Despite the emotional farewell at Shatin in December of last year and a heartfelt Thank You for his years of bringing magic to Hong Kong racing plus wishing him the very best for his retirement, Joao Moreira doesn’t look like hanging up his boots anytime soon.


Far from it.


On Saturday at Randwick, and as part of his Farewell Tour, the Brazilian magic man rode three winners including the rather aptly named Democracy Manifest, which former Hong Kong race caller Darren Flindell had particular relish in calling.


Joao even mentioned how he might enjoy staying in Sydney for a while.




To keep instant karma flowing, Joao Moreira returns to Hong Kong later this month to ride Japanese raider Hishi Iguazu on FWD’s Champions Day.


Of course what must be giving the Hong Kong Jockey Club hierarchy sleepless nights is how on earth it’s going to trump that fond farewell from a few months back dripping in pathos and huge dollops of man love.



As for something to present Joao Moreira on his comeback, perhaps the usual would be nice? A nice peaked cap?


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PARTING SHOT



It’s one of the most obvious cons we’ve seen in horse racing in a very very long time in a game where cons and ponzi schemes are commonplace and as obvious as a bulbous zit.


Still, greed is a strange animal, isn’t it, Bowser?


This new Ponzi scheme involving horse racing and algorithms and “sure returns” is emanating out of the UK, where the maths don’t add up and with everything reminding us of the case involving Bill Vlahos, below, all those years ago- but more in line with the new abnormal and the crypto world.



What’s rather interesting albeit in a kinda goofy way is that it has some fairly intelligent people hooked into believing that pigs can fly and “love you long time” means forever.


Either that or they are in happy to be in it as “sales people” working on commissions based on the number of suckers- sorry, customers- they bring in.

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